Pretty Soup

"Oh Dahling I just love this posh restaurant."

"Babe. I know! We are so chic just sitting here."

" I feel like a celebrity... Wait! Is that Heidi Klum?"

"Don't act so star-struck ok?  Pretend like we belong here."

"Is freeze dried air really an appetizer?"

" Totes."

"Waiter? Uh, yes we'll have the freeze-dried air followed by a sliver of raw critter."

"Fabulous choice.  Our air is premium and our critter is fresh killed to order."

"Cool."

When kids play with their food they get in trouble... When adults do the same thing-- they just call it

"Food Styling."

Professional food styling is a legit occupation...  You can even major in it at certain trade and culinary schools... (hmm.. backup plan?)
Those beautiful ads for food and cookbook covers may look good enough to eat, but a deeper look into food styling reveals some unappetizing Tricks of the Trade...

Stylists know that looks are more important than taste during a photo shoot, and they use culinary tricks to make food the star of the show. For instance, they might substitute heavy cream for milk when photographing cereal (heavy cream looks much more appetizing). By adding aspirin powder to champagne, stylists create extra fizz. Talcum powder sprinkled over charcoal simulates ash.

There are other tricks too—applying lipstick on strawberries to deepen their redness, using hair dryers to cook a slice of turkey, or using shortening mixed with sugar to simulate ice cream. With the advent of digital photography, the Food Stylist’s job has gotten much easier. No longer does the stylist need to worry about such details as the food sitting under the hot lights for hours and hours—photos are now taken and assessed much more quickly.

Well food styling is all in good fun, but I am more into the pretty things YOU CAN EAT.

Case and point-

Pretty Tomato Alfredo Soup

(Picture phone photo- no tricks... just real cute soup!)

Will it taste different if you delicately drizzle a creamy sauce versus just mixing it together?

NO.

But will you feel like a hoity-toity-fancy-pants? ... Sure will!

Life is to short to sip ugly soup!

What you need:

Tomato Soup

Alfredo Sauce

Croutons

Spinach for garnish

pepper

1. The only thing you need to do is carfully spoon the alfredo atop your tomato soup.  Take pride in the little dribblets ;)
2. Then just garnish with croutons and spinach... Sprinkle pepper and call yourself Posh Spice.

Keep it classy Flex 14

Carbo-Lovin' Bread Salad

Carb-loading... The best part of being an endurance athlete!  

It is an excuse to indulge in what many others try to avoid.   After this weekend's triathlon clinic, I am 100% carbtastic.  3 straight days of bagels, pizza, pasta, and breadsticks.  All the sweat was worth it!
Carbohydrates are the body's fuel, so before a big event, or intense workout it is a good idea to  fill your muscles with some excess carbs.   Look! It has been proven to enhance performance!  

http://www.runnersworld.co.uk/nutrition/60-second-guide-carb-loading/3961.html
Ok, so maybe you don't have a marathon the next day... 

BUT WE ALL LOVE CARBS ANYWAY!
What a better way to celebrate our body's main source of energy than with a big bowl of PANZANELLA!


Panz-a-what-ugh?


Well my friend...

A Panzanella or panmolle is an Italian dish originating in the regions of Tuscany, Umbria, Marche and Lazio. The dish is a bread salad popular in the summer months. It includes sliced bread and fresh tomatoes, flavored with basil, olive oil, and vinegar, often with salt and pepper. Sometimes thought of as a "leftover salad," additional panzanella ingredients vary widely, and include lettuce, white wine, capers, anchovies, celery, carrots, red wine, red onion, cucumber, tuna, parsley, boiled eggs, mint, bell peppers, lemon juice, and garlic. The bread used should be day- to week-old and densely textured. Bread salads date back to the 14th century at least, although tomatoes weren't added until after the discovery of the New World.^[1]

<sup>Thank you Wikipedia!


So without further adieu, I give you the most carb-friendly salad you'll ever meet--- because let's be honest... Croutons are the best part!</sup>

^{Carbo-Lovin' Bread Salad}

What You Need

-Stale Bread Bowl  (yupp.. the staler the better!)
-Tomatos
-Cucumbers
-Chopped Onion
-Crispy fried onion
-Pickled Peppers or all sorts
-Mozarealla and Parmesean cheese
-Olive Oil
-vinegar
-lemon juice
-basil
-pepper
-salt

1. Mix Oil vinegar, lemon juice, basisl, pepper  and salt in a large bowl.
2. Bread that stale breadbowl and toss with all your veggies and cheese.
3. Then pour into your dressing bowl! Toss it up and YUMMY THERE YA GO!


You are carbo-loaded and ready to go run-swim-bike- or... Take a nap.

Spicy Thai Peanut Noodles

Have you ever just woke up mad?  I mean really angry...  

 It could be the most beautiful, sunny day, but for some funky reason you are just pissed at the universe.  On these particularly hostile days, the littlest things can really grind your gears, and you may just discover 47,853,892 pet peeves you didn't know you had :D!

Here's a few--

Things that make me want to blowdart you in the face...

1.  Confusing walk patterns. - Cars follow certain traffic patterns, and so should walkers.  I live my life in the fast lane, so quit  your dilly-dally-meandering, because I AM TRYING TO GET TO CLASS! Look up from your iphone, put one foot in front of the other, and keep things moving!

2.  Escalator Hoggers-  These are the close relatives to Confusing Walkers... They spread themselves all the way across the escalator... Usually a hand on either side.  In no situation, besides Will Ferrel in Elf, would you ever need BOTH hands on the escalator railing.

Pick a side you walrus!

3. Knitting in Class- I understand that you are a domestic craft enthusiast, but can you please leave your GRANDMA SKILLS at home? I don't whip out my cross-stitch, or my paint-by-numbers poster, so save the scarf for later, Betty Crocker. 

4. Silly Band Bondage - Look at how silly you are! With all those silly bands you must be such a fun person!  Either you a drug addiction, or self-infliction problem, or you must really hate your wrists.  Looks what can happen to Silly Band-abusers!

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/parental/sillybandz.asp

5. "I have a question!!?" - Yes, we know... That's why you violently raised your hand and wiggled around in your seat for a minute.  Just ask it.

6. Gross Market Purchases - Do you really eat 10 bags of Tostino's Pizza Rolls? Seriously... 12 boxes of ham and cheese Hot Pockets, with a side of Sasquatch beef sticks!? You disgust me!  Usual Offenders  = Dude Bros.

I find that nothing busts through that anger like a great sweaty workout and some screamin' hot food!
Feed your inner-tiger... Embrace the heat... And try some

Spicy Thai Peanut Noodles

What You Need


-Noodles of some sort
-Snow peas
- carrots
- water chestnuts
- baby corn
- onions
Sauce
- 2 T Peanut Butter
- 2 T Soy Sauce
- 1 tsp Hot Sauce
- 1 T vinegar
-  1 T Honey
- red pepper flakes
- touch of minced garlic
Toppings
- Crunchy noodles
- peanuts
- red pepper flakes

1. Assemble your noodles, veggies, and take it to the wok!  ( this recipe works best at Jeff Dining Hall!)


2.  While your goodies are cookin' away... Attack your sauce!  Combine all sauce ingredients, and microwave for about 20 seconds just to melt the peanut butter down!


3. Mix your noodles and veggies into your sauce and top with crunchy, spicy red pepper flakes, peanuts, and noodles!


4.  Feel the burn baby

Deep breath. 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1

Feel better?

I promise the next entry will be more peaceful and optimistic!  

Church Picnic Bean Salad

Remember back when your parents made you go to church?  Sunday mornings were always high on the family stress scale.  There was one thing that was an antidote for the boring services, awkward handshakes, and uncomfortable pews... And that was the church picnic!  Endless tables of every church lady's best dish.  Those old dames may not know what MTV is, but dang can they whip up a covered dish!

In honor of every silver-haired, hymn-loving chuch lady...

I give you..

Church Picnic Bean Salad

What you need 

-Hit the salad bar yo!-

4 T Red wine vinegar

1/4 cup olive oil

4 Packets of Sugar

pinch of salt

lots of pepper

- black, kidney, garbanzo, green... Any beans really!

-  celery

- red onion

-green pepper

1. Mix together your dressing, making sure to dissolve the sugar in the oil and vinegar.

2.  Then pour over the beans, celery, onions, and green peppers!

3.  You can eat it right away... But I suggest letting them beans hang out!

 The longer it sits... The better it gets!

You might even want to sneak a TUPPERWARE to the dining hall

Shhhh... Don't tell Shivley!

More Bout' Dem Beans!

Nooo not those beans!

Beans Beans the magical fruit..

The More you eat...

the more you

...

Lower your risk for heart disease- and cancer! 

Beans = Health Dream. Period!

High in fiber, low in fat, and yummy yummy...

check it-->

 Black Beans are rich in anthocyanins, the same heart disease– and cancer-fighting antioxidants that are found in grapes andcranberries.

Garbanzo (chickpeas)
A recent study found that a chickpea-fortified diet slashed “bad” LDL cholesterol levels by almost 5%.

KidneyThe thiamin (vitamin B1) in this bean protects memory and brain function; a deficiency has been linked to Alzheimer’s disease. Navy Potassium regulates blood pressure and normal heart contractions.

PintoFiber helps stabilize blood sugar, lowering the risk of type 2 diabetes.

http://www.prevention.com/health/nutrition/smart-shopping/healthy-eating-the-many-health-benefits-of-beans/article/7aef06ef823d6110VgnVCM10000013281eac____/2 

Fiber makes me happy!

Ghetto Banana Oat Chunk

As a proud member of the Bryan Hall Kitchen Club, I would like to share with you my first Bryan-Born cluster-fuck of a recipe!

 The Bryan Hall kitchen was best described by my roommate Colleen as the kitchen used in Jurrasic Park.  There is a striking resemblance.

Sooo with a few mushy bananas from the dining hall, applesauce, oats, and walnuts, I thought I'd try to whip together a home go-to ...

Banana Bread.

Armed with my goods, I headed to the dungeon.

To have the key to Bryan kitchen is to unlock a world of strange out of date kitchen devices, crusty pans, and sticky utensils. Somehow everything has a residue, and smells like a nursing home. :) Yummy! Let's get cookin'!

Ghetto Banana Oat Chunk

Thanks to lack of ingredients and a muffin tin I dubb thee... CHUNK!

Not quite a loaf. Definately no muffin... 

What you Need

- 2 Spotted/brown bananas

- 1/2 cup of Applesauce

-1 egg

-1/2 cup sugar

-1 cup flour

-1/2 cup oats

splash of vanilla

cinnamon

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

pinch of salt

Walnuts 

cinnamon sugar /cocoa powder for dusting

**Warning I did not use actual measurements for the baking powder and soda b/c everything was STICKY and gross!**

Preheat Oven to 350

(The oven I used was not accurate and kiiiinda burnt the top of my banana chunk)

1. Mash up your naners real good. Add in applesauce, egg, sugar, and vanilla.

2. In separate bowl combine dry ingredients... Flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, salt, and even cocoa powder if you are a chocaholic. 

3. Combine wet and dry ingridents. Mixy.

4. Grease your lil' pan... 

4. Create an added sweet crunch on top with crushed walnuts, and cinnamon sugar... And wish the lil' guy luck! There he goes!

WOW YOU may be surprised that there is NO FAT in this here naner-bread!

Yupp! Applesauce and mashed bananas gives enough moisture and richness that you don't need any oil or butter! Amazing!

We made it out of Bryan Kitchen alive... Now pour a big ol' glass of milk, and butter up a slice of warm banana oat chunk... A wholesome, ghetto-baked treat!! 

ADDED HEALTHY GOODNESS
* Oats - dietary fiber and whole grain
* Walnuts - Rich in Omega-3 and minerals
* Applesauce - Alternative to Oil




Who says you can't eat good in the ghetto?


Just for fun... change the words to...
"I'm not a loaf
...Not quite a muffin!"